Big Vin was obviously hoping to kick off another franchise like his Fast & Furious, xXx and Guardians Of The Galaxy entries, but under the direction of Wilson (a guy who’s worked in computer games and trailer-cutting until now), this is as dull and dumb as action movies get.
A little gore, lots of fetishised guns, oodles of
fancy tech and at least one hot chick are in there to distract us from how
leaden and dreary it all is, but even the most drooling and desocialised fanboy
would still find this hopelessly humdrum.
Diesel is Ray Garrison, a soldier introduced blowing
up lots of extras in one of those standard movie battlefields and then
returning to hang out with his beloved Gina (Talulah Riley) on the Amalfi Coast
(although they didn’t really film there). Ray and Gina are duly kidnapped by
some goons, taken to a slaughterhouse and introduced to Martin Axe (Toby
Kebbell), who does a dopey dance to the tune of Talking Heads’ original Psycho
Killer before, well, killing them both. And that’s not a spoiler because
there would be no movie if he didn’t.
Ray awakens in the skyscraper stronghold of PRS
(Project Rising Star) and gets debriefed by cyborg Dr. Emil Harting (Guy
Pearce) and the also-augmented Katie/KT (Eiza González, who does a lot of
smouldering). It seems that Ray has been brought back to life with self-healing
nano-technological blood and other would-be-amazing abilities but, wouldn’t you
know it, he starts having goofy, Robocop-esque flashbacks and soon breaks out
to exact some thumping revenge.
This all takes up about two-thirds of the
running-time, which means that we’re then treated to some fairly awkward twists
and turnarounds, none of which are especially original or interesting, and all
of which require Vin to, um, act. Which he does… sort of.
Almost in-production since 2012, this might have once starred Jared Leto and/or been directed by John Wick main-man Chad Stahelski, and yet here it is with Diesel, Wilson and more credibility gaps than you could shake Vin’s leathery chrome-dome at. But wait, a sequel is promised at the end, so get ready for more Bloodshi… sorry, Bloodshot.
Bloodshot (MA) is in cinemas now
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